The weekend is finally here... Hurayyy! Okay, I got the story below from Joyfm's facebook page. After reading to the end, I couldn't help but get pissed at the players in the story. Please read on (with small editing to help you relate more with the events discussed) and share your thoughts.
"Dear Bola, I went into marriage with a 4 year old daughter. My husband doesn’t have any problem with my daughter but he doesn’t love her. Let me just put it bluntly. He doesn’t have any form relations with her. He doesn’t care what I do with her or what happens to her. We simply don’t talk about her. I had her while I was in school and I honestly do not know the whereabouts of her father. I am gainfully employed so I really I’m not bothered.
Growing up has been very difficult for her because she had to call my husband uncle because if he is daddy, then she must expect a lot from him. I have two other children with my husband so you can understand this little girl’s challenge. Bola, she is 16 years now and in SHS2. She is quite a smart and an intelligent girl. She told me recently that, she wants to move out of the house. She wants me to rent a place for her. Her reasons are that, she knows my husband doesn’t like her and she thinks she can take care of herself. This hit me so hard.
She is always either out of the house or locked up in her bedroom. The relationship between she and her siblings is also dwindling. You could tell that she is very embittered. Last week, my husband came back from town with a bag full of clothes for my daughter. She took them and just walked away. I followed her into her room to scold her and she stopped me right there and walked out of the house.
Fear gripped me so I asked my husband what all that was about and then he told me that, he just feels he has been very unfair to her and wanted to start bridging the gap. I could not but hug him in gratitude that finally, the nightmare in my home was over. He even told me that, she will come around and he apologized to me for his unfair treatment towards the girl. Rather surprisingly, my daughter’s attitude worsened and she insists she wants to move out of the house. She won’t say why and I just kept assuming it’s the same old problem. I asked an anonymous person to meet up with her, befriend her and talk to her for me and there she blew everything open.
My husband has been making sexual advances at her and has threatened to throw her out if she doesn’t compromise. He says he has never seen her as a daughter because he loves her and has just been waiting for her to grow up. Bola, I have died a thousand times over. How mean could he be? People have told me how they see him with young girls in very compromising situations but because he is a fashion designer, I dismiss it saying he could be working with them. I’m just realizing how naive I have been all these years. I have spoken to my daughter to keep calm whiles I find a solution to the problem.
She understands me. This is my first point of call. I have too much running through my head. After 12 years of marriage... Bola I have my children to think about, my marriage, society, my daughter’s well being and a whole lot… I need advice. However, I am thinking of letting my daughter report him to the police... I would want the police to pick him up for interrogation, give him a strong warning and get him to write an undertaking to be of good behavior. Bola, in this day and age of defilement and rape, if he continues and he is arrested, this will spell doom for my family, social life and career".
What will be your advice to this lady? I said initially that I wasn't very enthused with lady's hastiness in going ahead to marry the man without paying attention to the kind of relationship he would have or is prepared to have with her daughter. Being a single parent, man or woman, is a sensitive situation, and I think she shouldn't have gone ahead with the marriage in the first place knowing that, the then husband to be wasn't too comfortable with her daughter, until she was able to resolve the way forward for the 2 parties. This should go for every single parent about to get married. Watch out for danger signals which show that the person who you are getting married to is not too cool with your child, then please advice yourself appropriately.
In this case however, since she is already married to him with kids, I think the best thing for her to do is to talk to their pastor or a trusted person so they can talk to the man and make him accountable, or, let the daughter go stay with a trusted relative of her's; but she must make sure that, she stay's in constant touch with her all the time. What do you think?