Monday, 19 August 2013


Hello everyone!

I trust we are all doing awesome and the month has been good for us so far... I pray no weapon formed against us will prosper IJN, Amen!

I got some few things to share today, so here goes...    

Sometimes we don’t know why people do what they do. Sometimes we are uncertain about whether or not people mean well... (just well) when they take us out, buy us gifts; show all forms of care, concern and attention.

What is worse and even more perplexing is when the people that do these things for you who you ordinarily consider as having no reason or business with wanting to take the “beats” to the next level, but then, they begin to show you signs which, whether confirmed verifiable or otherwise, indicate that they want to be something more than friends.

The married ones are more difficult to digest, especially when you know their spouses and are directly involved in their lives, whether as friends, family or close associates/colleagues. Then the questions begin:

What is this? What is going on? Why does he/she keep calling or texting me? Why does he/she use those words to speak to me? Why this unusual show of concern? Does his/her spouse know that he/she visits me? Why does he/she want to spend this much time with me, and this much money on me? What if his/her spouse finds out?

Then another deluge of questions ensue:
What do I do? How do I manage this? His/her spouse is my friend (or someone I know very well), and he/she is a good person. How do I begin to handle this? How can I allow this to destroy my good relationship with these people?

Then comes the next stage: We either play along, or we decide that this has gone far enough and no further... Me thinks, that a defined relationship sets boundaries:

"What do you want?" is a question that is very much in place at this point. The "NO!!! We can't do this" should be next. When they say "oh no! you are getting it all wrong", ask them "then why this and why that (ofcourse you have your facts)". Tell them, "you must stop this! Don't let me loose the respect I have for you. Do you even wonder what will happen if your spouse finds out?" They will usually use the oldest answer in the book to address this: "but you and I are adults... who will know if we don't say?"

If you are not comfortable with it, walk away from it. Don't wait till you get entangled. I know that there are so many reasons why things might happen the way they do, but really, much as we are none to judge, we cannot pretend that there are no Wolves in Sheep's clothing, who will mess up your life just for a piece of it.

I don't have all the answers, and I hope you can lend your voice to this issue. Lots of people, both men and women are in this quagmire, and still have not figured out how to deal with it. Or have you been there yourself? How did you deal with it (if you dealt with it)?

Peace... I'm out


  1. Walk away really, that's my solution, may not be the easiest of solution but its the safest.

  2. Its best to ignore 'em and flee before you delve further into a sticky web. Else they will be relentless.

  3. You already answered it. Walk away. This kind of drama doesn't always end well.

  4. u can decide to have a little fun before going your way :P but the politically or religiously right answer is to walk away immediately...

  5. The truth is we always know the right thing to do in our heads but sometimes it isn't always easy for one reason or another. Its a lot easier to preach it than do it. My advice is weigh the benefits and the losses. for example, Is losing a friend worth the attention one is getting. I find it always pays off to have someone to confide in just in case one doesn't feel strong enough to resist temptation. It could be a family member or a friend.

  6. Better to pull a weed up as soon as you see it, instead of leaving it to take root.

  7. I was in the same situation a while back with a close friend, who is married. I immediately went to my room and knelt down and prayed for God's guidance. and sought people's advice because the friendship started far before my friend got married. I had to define the boundaries o. No time for temptation.

  8. The bible says it clear and simple..."flee all apple arcane of evil" ......if it ain't right, it's not right..shikena

  9. This kind of situation can be really tricky because, if it is not well managed, you could lose your friend. I would say, walk away, but easier said than done, especially where you and your friend share a history that goes back many years.

    Prayer is an important recourse, which has to be matched by action. Do everything to avoid putting yourself in a compromising situation and avoid the person as much as you can, because no matter what the offerings may be, it is not worth it. I know that I would not want to lose a beautiful friendship because my friend's spouse is being funny. I'd make it clear what I stand, and won't stand for. From experience, a firm, 'NO' has not failed yet.

    Finally, it is even wrong to collect gifts in private from a friend's spouse, because this is a green light to the predator. If the person is buying gifts, then his or her spouse MUST be in the know, because I would want to thank my friend too. No amount of money or gifts is worth the pain later, if it blows open, because the friend might never forgive. I have learnt, when it comes to relating with couples, to always go through the wife for anything I want. This honors and gives her the respect she deserves, and prevents misunderstanding. Even if the man in question is my own brother, I will still go through his wife to make any requests. It helps everyone involved and simplifies things.

  10. Nice write up. I never knew that there blogger who write quality post. Keep it up.