Tuesday 14 August 2012

Silent Nights... A Cry For Help pt2

Greetings my people,

Remember Silent Nights... A cry for help? I thought it was time for the second part. Your thoughts will be most appreciated: 

...Please God, not tonight!... consumed by my own thought and what sounded like a prayer to me to the God I have heard so much about even in Sunday school, the door opened and there he was standing all charged up again for another rendezvous. This is it! I have had it! I must either plead with him for mercy because of the menstrual pain or put up some form of resistance.

"Uncle Sam, please not tonight, I am bleeding and besides I am having pains all over, please look with pity on me and let me off this routine tonight p-l-e-a-s-e..." He looked at me with an evil grin and asked "so what do you want me to do?" as I continued to beg, he brought out what I have come to know and call the "devil's stick" and he said "PLAY WITH IT" Anything was better than having him inside of me again (at least not with the way I was feeling). He showed and told me what to do as he closed his evil eyes moaning at every move I made and enjoying himself. And for the first time I felt powerful... Yes! I felt that strong sensation run through my body, that I could survive this. His behavior showed that I had some kind of control. I felt his vulnerability. I felt I had something I could bargain with. I felt that I had what it takes to destroy him, but I knew that I could only succeed if  I had a plan. I wasn't that smart, I had only discovered an ace which I could use to my benefit. I needed to perfect whatever I had discovered that evening.

For the five(5) days that I was bleeding, my hands and mouth were his abode and source of grand pleasure. I had to do that everyday in tears, hating what I had become, and the power that deluges through my heart anytime he was at my mercy... at my mercy, that's what it looked like. Yet I felt like a slot. I never believed that I could think like this. I never imagined that in my entire life, I could find myself in a situation where I had a death wish, whether for myself or for any other person.

The more I thought about my new ace, the more I thought about my home. This is not how I was brought up to think. I felt dirty... Really dirty. I wasn't sure anymore which was worse. The pain of my defilement or the power of having the life of a villain in my hands, and wishing I could take my chances. I am a good girl, and I can't believe I was considering this. And in a flash, I remembered how in those days (God! It's been two years) when I would say to mum that I don't understand how any woman would agree to prostitution or to commit a crime, because as far as I was concerned, it was beneath any right thinking woman no matter the circumstance she finds herself. And here I was, faced with a side of reality which I never knew existed.

My heart bleeds... I miss my mum, I miss my siblings, I miss my home and most of all, my freedom and my old shy self! I want to pray... I wish I could pray, but I can't find the words. I want to take my fate into my own hands. But what would that fate make me? What will I become after this experience. Nothing in my past could have prepared me for this.

I wish my daddy didn't leave... I wish my mum didn't have to be so frustrated... I wish I didn't run away... I wish I could wake up from this dream... I wish I could throw caution to the winds, and do something very drastic to him... I wish I could bite him so hard that he passes out till I'm gone... I wish there is a way I could do and never remember that I did such a dirty desperate thing... I wish there was another way... I wish I could turn back the hands of time... O Lord... I wish...

To be continued...

Peace... I'm out

22 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. lol, dont worry dear, will continue in a short while. Happy birthday once again sweetness! Best wishes always!

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  2. Replies
    1. Hi Abi! welcome to my world dear, keep coming.... the rest will be in the next post, thanks for coming, I appreciate.

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  3. I really feel sorry for her. No one can actually understand the torture and torment these people go through. Please hurry up and completer it ooo.

    I just got an email alert on the comment you left on my blog. I am here ooo! :) Thank you so much for your care. I have so much to write, and yet no time. :(
    Are you in Lag? If yes, please send me your email.
    Cheers love.

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    1. Ema!! congrats my dear, I'm going to dedicate something just for you in my next post.

      I wish you all the very best of everything and thanks for the comments dearie.

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  4. I belive that God would have you put a story that would speak to different people in this situation, but I do not believe that God would have you put the explicite details in this story. The message He would want to convey to someone in this kind of situation is the help they would get from the Lord, not the distress that would come from the abuser. Anyone in this kind of situation would not want to be reminded of what they are already going through. If you are in a dark place, you need to see the light.

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    Replies
    1. Hi Brenda! welcome to my blog. fist of, thanks for the comment and following back, I appreciate a great deal.

      Secondly, the story is not over yet, I want to share with my readers the pain that such victims go trough, the story continues....
      I appreciate your presence here, do come again. Best wishes!

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  5. Wow! I feel sorry for every one who has gone through these things. It's a terrible place to be.
    Thanks for your comment and for following. Bless you

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    1. Thanks for passing through my blog too Feyi, I appreciate your presence, do come again for more. Best wishes!

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  6. Hmmmmm,it's becoming more interesting.Please don't let us wait for long.

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    1. No, you wont wait for too long my dear, thanks for the comments.

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  7. You are a born writer Priscy, Just continue already because I do not enjoy this suspense. I want to get to the end now! The thing with the way you write is that one cannot skip even a paragraph while reading.

    Can I call it " living in hell?" Just continue...

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  8. Oh Joy! I take a bow and say thank you.

    My sister! living in hell is another story all together o! lol, thanks again.

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  9. Waiting for the rest,good write up!

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    1. hello Veronoba, welcome to my blog, relax and ride with me. Been to your blog already, and its lovely.

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  10. Your Blog is very lovely I invite you to check my blog out and follow if you like.

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    1. thanks dear. Going straight up to your blog and you bet I will follow... I appreciate your comment.

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  11. Finish the story already na....

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    1. I will dearie.... sooner than you think. Thanks!

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  12. Smart girl! I hope she comes out of it.

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  13. babes...dont mind me deleting my former comment o bt anyways, i suppose u understood me sha and thanks once again

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