Silent Nights... A Cry For Help pt2

Greetings my people,

Remember Silent Nights... A cry for help? I thought it was time for the second part. Your thoughts will be most appreciated: 

...Please God, not tonight!... consumed by my own thought and what sounded like a prayer to me to the God I have heard so much about even in Sunday school, the door opened and there he was standing all charged up again for another rendezvous. This is it! I have had it! I must either plead with him for mercy because of the menstrual pain or put up some form of resistance.

"Uncle Sam, please not tonight, I am bleeding and besides I am having pains all over, please look with pity on me and let me off this routine tonight p-l-e-a-s-e..." He looked at me with an evil grin and asked "so what do you want me to do?" as I continued to beg, he brought out what I have come to know and call the "devil's stick" and he said "PLAY WITH IT" Anything was better than having him inside of me again (at least not with the way I was feeling). He showed and told me what to do as he closed his evil eyes moaning at every move I made and enjoying himself. And for the first time I felt powerful... Yes! I felt that strong sensation run through my body, that I could survive this. His behavior showed that I had some kind of control. I felt his vulnerability. I felt I had something I could bargain with. I felt that I had what it takes to destroy him, but I knew that I could only succeed if  I had a plan. I wasn't that smart, I had only discovered an ace which I could use to my benefit. I needed to perfect whatever I had discovered that evening.

For the five(5) days that I was bleeding, my hands and mouth were his abode and source of grand pleasure. I had to do that everyday in tears, hating what I had become, and the power that deluges through my heart anytime he was at my mercy... at my mercy, that's what it looked like. Yet I felt like a slot. I never believed that I could think like this. I never imagined that in my entire life, I could find myself in a situation where I had a death wish, whether for myself or for any other person.

The more I thought about my new ace, the more I thought about my home. This is not how I was brought up to think. I felt dirty... Really dirty. I wasn't sure anymore which was worse. The pain of my defilement or the power of having the life of a villain in my hands, and wishing I could take my chances. I am a good girl, and I can't believe I was considering this. And in a flash, I remembered how in those days (God! It's been two years) when I would say to mum that I don't understand how any woman would agree to prostitution or to commit a crime, because as far as I was concerned, it was beneath any right thinking woman no matter the circumstance she finds herself. And here I was, faced with a side of reality which I never knew existed.

My heart bleeds... I miss my mum, I miss my siblings, I miss my home and most of all, my freedom and my old shy self! I want to pray... I wish I could pray, but I can't find the words. I want to take my fate into my own hands. But what would that fate make me? What will I become after this experience. Nothing in my past could have prepared me for this.

I wish my daddy didn't leave... I wish my mum didn't have to be so frustrated... I wish I didn't run away... I wish I could wake up from this dream... I wish I could throw caution to the winds, and do something very drastic to him... I wish I could bite him so hard that he passes out till I'm gone... I wish there is a way I could do and never remember that I did such a dirty desperate thing... I wish there was another way... I wish I could turn back the hands of time... O Lord... I wish...

To be continued...

Peace... I'm out