Tuesday, 3 May 2011

So you want to get married ?

I think Bukky of  www.bukville.com Is an amazing writer. I just love her works, please take time to visit her blog Its wonderful: Read the piece below. 
What do you know about being a wife, a partner and working as a team?
What are you bringing to the table? What do you have to offer to your husband?
What do you know about a man? Do you understand the male species at all?
Do you know who you are and what are your strengths and weaknesses?
Are you complete in yourself first, to be joined to another person?
What are your core and moral values, what are your relationship deal breakers?
What role is God playing in your life and where are you in your walk with Christ?
Are you really a Christian by name only and what is the foundation of this supposed marriage?
Can you take criticism from others; can you take correction or direction?
Can you honor and obey; can you zip your big mouth and not have the last word always?
Do you love yourself? Would you marry you?
Do you like what you see and what you have/will become, can you live with you for the rest of your life?
I can honestly tell you now that I was so clueless it was unbelievable, some of us are still clueless too. God forbid someone had this dressing down with me back then. I’d probably told them off and never knock their door for a while.
The truth is always the truth at all times , regardless if you agree with it or not. In time everyone knows who risked their relationship to be honest with you. In time you will come to appreciate and respect them.
That is why you and I shouldn’t stand for false relationship and friendship in 2011. Stop telling me what I want to hear, dare to tell me something that is the true, it and get my feelings hurt. It’s better to get hurt for a short-term than to keep going round repeating the same madness
You and I cannot afford to keep going round in circles; we have got to put an end to the madness. I’d rather have no friends at all than to have people who can’t tell me the truth.
But are you ready to receive it though? Can you be an adult and take it without no hissy fit?
Some of us can’t take the truth and that is why people who know you the best are watching you make a fool of yourself. The last time they told you just a whinny little bit, what did you do? You threw it back in their faces and turned round throwing mud at them, using all the ammunitions and secrets that you know about them against them.
How do I know this? Because I have been there love! and sincerely don’t want you to walk that destructive road. How many more friendship must you ruin with that mouth of yours? Some of us can’t keep silent to save our lives! Well that won’t work in any relationship; you must be able to receive the truth! You must be teachable to enter God’s promises or else you are going to spend longer than you should in the wilderness.
I am also not waiting on others to tell me the truth. I am going to confront myself and deal with my issues. I am not waiting on my pastor, my husband or anyone else, I am going to fall on my face and cry out to God to reveal who I am to me. I am going to humble myself before the Lord and refuse to move until He talks back to me.
I am going to be like Jacob and cry from the depth of my soul, ‘’I will not let you go until you bless me, until you change my name, until you take the veil off my eyes and let me see who I am’’
One thing I have learnt bitterly over years is that we are the greatest liars to ourselves, we are the greatest obstacle to ourselves, we are just too proud to admit it. Stop blaming the devil for everything, yes he is evil. You are doing real good all by yourself and he hasn’t even started with you yet.
Quit running from your issues and take a look at you. I mean really take an in-depth look and analyze yourself . Dare to be naked and face the truth and deal with these issues.
Do you like what you see? If you don’t, then do something and quit complaining about it. If you do like what you see, love it and embrace it.
This year put yourself in the driving seat and makes your life ‘The Project’. You cannot afford not to do this. You cannot afford to pay those prices due to ignorant, childishness, pride and stubbornness. Stop procrastinating and face these tough questions today.
Just because you think you are ready for marriage does not mean you are. You might like the idea of marriage but have no clue about it.
Age is not also a yardstick for getting married. I know some cool young couples in their early 20’s that had more common sense than I was when I was 30 years old. They are married and happy, while others in their 30’s and 40’s can’t even stay together for 2 years. Age does not mean you are matured at all.
Most time we want to focus on the man, who he should be, how he should look, what kind of job he should have and can’t he take care of his business? Yeah yeah, those are great questions but you are not ready for that now.
You have to work on your first. Young lady, young man, deal with yourself first!
Those areas of weaknesses you see in yourself are just areas to be developed, ,listen and pay attention to them. Success in marriage is more than finding the right person. It’s being the right person.
Your pretty face can open the door but your character and mouth will shut the door every time. The world is full of beautiful women, what else do you have to offer apart from your beauty?
Stop acting this year; you know you deserved an Academy award for the best actress in your category. You and I are not fooling anyone except ourselves.
This is the first step to getting real this year, this is not about marriage, get real and deal with your issues, you know what they are and stop lying to yourself.
I have had to do this myself, deal with all my issues and I still got some even now. I am not better than you or know it all. I have people in my life that will confront me and as much as I don’t like it. I have to listen to them because I know they meant good for me. I also know they are right!
My mouth has gotten me into a lot of trouble and also gotten me out of some. I have spent a lot of my time reading the book of Proverbs. The bible doesn’t lie, if you want understanding then get wisdom (pro4:7). Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent (Pro17:28) Hello!
Know thy issues and work on them. You are not going to possess all that God wants for you without knowing yourself and working on the areas that needed to be worked on .
Jacob had to be transformed for him to be the father of the 12 tribes of Israel. He had to wrestle and contend with God at his time of desperate need. You cannot keep settling for less when you know it is in your father’s good pleasure to give you the best.
This is your desperate hour, your desperate year. Are you ready for your full inheritance? I am sounding the alarm for you to wake up and take your rightful place. It is your time to arise and shine for your light has come. And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you. For behold, the darkness shall cover the earth and deep darkness the people. But the Lord will arise over you, and His glory will be seen upon you (Is60:1-2)

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