Hello everyone!
Its Friday!!! I love Fridays. Seriously... Anyway, how are you all doing? I trust everyone is doing exceptionally well, yes?
So, yesterday during lunch time, I overheard ( I said overheard o! It wasn't kokonsa *gossip*) a lady colleague (let me call her Esi) telling another lady friend of hers (who I would call Ama) how she was so much into this guy and how she's been trying to get his attention to no avail.
Ama, the other colleague told her that making the first move on a guy is no big deal for her at all, and that, it's just a matter of letting the guy know or making one or two gestures to give the guy the signal that she likes him. Esi thought doing that will make the guy think of her as a "cheap" girl if the relationship ever succeeds and will also not bring her any kind of respect as this is not acceptable in our society. And may I ask why it is not acceptable in our society? Still cracking my head again for answers
This is for the ladies. Will one be regarded as "cheap" for making a move on a guy she likes first? And for the guys, has any lady made a move on you? and how did you feel towards the lady?
Personally, I dont see anything wrong in making a first move on a guy you like, as long as you have not made it a life habit; you know... like we have womanizers? Just don't know what the female version of that would be called. Manizers? lol. But aside from some of those exceptions, if you make the first move on a guy and he says no (kai but that sounds funny o!), e no be crime now! You move on! Is it not better to try and be denied than not try at all?
Have a fabulous weekend y'all... Blessings and more, to you and yours!
Peace... I'm out!
Hmmmm Society will label u. #Africaculture.
ReplyDeleteHave a lovely Weekend dear :)
Lol at manizers but personally,it's no biggie making the first move but if I'm in Esi's shoes,I'll prefer to show him signs that I'm into him and make him notice me to,walking straight to him and asking him out sha...the other one isn't a bad idea if you're ready to handle whatever comes out of it like,rejection.
ReplyDeleteum, nothing wrong in it. it will hurt and might ruin a friendship (if one already existed) between both people if the feeling is not mutual.
ReplyDeleteBut if the babe likes the guy, she can make subtle moves so as not to get too embarrased assuming the answer is no. if tis yes, then alls good. right?
Tehehe,I was just discussing this yesterday. Like Didi said its not "african" to make a move on a guy u like. And really I don't think I can. (I'm conservative like that). But I don't think its wrong and I won't judge a lady that moves in on a guy she likes as long as she's up for it( acceptance or the rejection from the guy) but I also believe there's a way you can drop hints on a guy and let him do the pursuing. I think. I might be wrong tho'
ReplyDeleteI'm sure there's nothing wrong with a lady making the first move but I can't oh. I will worse case scenario drop subtle hints.
ReplyDeleteHello Priscy, I see nothing wrong with a lady letting a guy know how she feels towards him. An adult should get ready for whatever response that comes o. After all he will still have to propose when that time comes. I could do it! Thing is, I am not available in "the bookshelf," was picked a long time ago.
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ReplyDeleteIn our part of the world it sounds *strange*. Dogs go after bones and not the other way round. One pride of womanhood is being sought for. So to me a ladies should preserve that pride by waiting for the guy to make the move, cos guys also *move* in different ways. Anyway are you *trying* one yourself? Just asking wai
ReplyDeleteWOW
ReplyDeletePersonally, I would never make the first move, I want the man to lead, how we get together sets the tone for our relationships. I want to be led, I want to know that this man goes for what he wants. I just believe that the man is the chaser, not I. (just my personal opinion)
ReplyDeletePlus, some men do say that they are turned off by women that make the first move.
Love this topic, been thinking about a similar topic for a while noe!
I am in the same boat of thought with Esi....am still old fashioned o ;)
ReplyDeleteI don't think there's anything wrong in it o but i just like being chased. lol
ReplyDeleteScary thought! Old fashioned old fashioned old fashioned . Let me be chased and wooed Biko. :-)
ReplyDeleteTheres nothing wrong with a lady making the first move so far as she can handle rejection. We men don't reject and make fun of you like some women do. They will say 'he is not my type' and get irritated. And what I hate most is ladies playing hard to get. Its either you are interested or not! No ifs or buts. Thats why I tend to go out with white ladies and Black Americans. For them you know where you stand from the begining. They will explore until such a time that they feel you are incompatible and thats fine.
ReplyDeleteWait Wait...cleaning my eyes at "thats why I tend to go out with white ladies and Black Americans".
DeleteMy bethrothed, na you be this? I don catch you!!
Maybe subtle hints won't be so bad but the major chasing should be done by the guy. I know guys enjoy the chase
ReplyDeleteI don't see anything wrong with it, its not like you now become a manizer *chuckles* oh!
ReplyDeleteThe society frowns at it so? what is the society doing about your hapiness anyways?
While i won't chase a guy, i would drop hints or ask directly so we can know whats up, no time to waste time.
Its not a crime, I just don't have the courage to
ReplyDeletehttp://trendysturvs.blogspot.com
I'm a traditional girl at heart o so I won't do it, I very much enjoy or shall I say enjoyed being chased :-) saying that there are plenty of ways to drop subtle hints to a guy, if he's not picking it up, that may be saying something.
ReplyDeleteBukky, you enjoy the chase when you like the guy. When you don't like the guy it becomes unwanted attention and many women find that distressing. Thats why we have the term sexual harrassment.
DeleteI have to say this Priscy,
ReplyDeleteif someone has been trying to get someone's attention for a while to no avail, then surely there's a large message of 'NOT INTERESTED' there eh? I think making a move on someone who is not interested might be sending a message of 'cheap' in his direction and nothing meaningful and longlasting would come of it.
I kinda agree with you sha.
Deletei disagree with you Brenda. It depends on whatever signal she has been giving to get his attention. Sometimes women get offended when a guy inteprates a gesture as interest and it turns out thats not the case. In a work environment a guy has to be careful not to make the wrong move because it can poison the atmosphere for both parties if it doesn't succeed. So yes it could be lack of interest or that the message is not clear enough.
DeleteWe'll agree to differ activeghman as before I was married I knew exactly whether someone was interested in me or not and that was without trying to get their attention. The question I have responded to is the one that Priscy asked the ladies to give their opinion on ie:- 'This is for the ladies. Will one be regarded as "cheap" for making a move on a guy she likes first?'.
ReplyDeleteAt the end of the day it is for the lady herself to decide eh?
The problem is most African men are still very old fashioned/ conservative and prefer to do the chasing.
ReplyDeleteTrue!!!!
Deleteso to save yourself from shame and being the topic of discussion at bars, the subtle hint is a better choice
I told a guy I liked him once..never doing that again..he nicely told me he only saw me as a friend but he really respected my courage coz as a guy he knows what it feels like. I think if a guy doesn't know how you feel and you feel he should really know there's nothing wrong with a little nudge. But if a man truly digs you he'll let you know.
ReplyDeleteAre you still friends with that guy? Once beaten twice shy. But, Tosin, you can still give subtle hints, Don't give up!
DeleteNothing wrong in that...
ReplyDeleteThe male has always been the hunter, and this is an instinct that has been put in them by divine design, to equip them for their roles as providers/family heads. Personally, I think it is a reversal of the order of things for a babe to want to do the asking, but that is just my opinion. Perhaps there are babes that have made the first move, and it turned out well, good for them, but I would prefer that the man does the asking, if he is interested. I guess in that sense, I am old fashioned, lol.
ReplyDeleteI agree. I guess this makes me old-fashioned too but I'd rather the guy does the chasing. I don't want any insult tomorrow where he'll say to me "is it not you that made the first move?"
DeleteWhoa mstizzle, I don't think any mature man will say that to you o.
DeleteErr...I'm equally conservative like that; I wouldn't make the first move but like Toin said, subtle hints will do. Lol.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Priscy for checking on me. I'm riding on a very tight and rough path right now is why I've been away. I really appreciate it. God bless you dear.
I can't tell you why it's wrong o. I don't even know if it is wrong. I just cannot imagine doing it. I feel like the guy would think I'm desperate, and the only reason I think that way is because in Naija, the norm was for girls to "form" and the guys to do the chasing. I do not subscribe to the forming part but I believe a guy should the chasing (with some encouragement from me :)).
ReplyDeleteBy the way, thanks for stopping by my blog. Sorry it took me this long to respond to your comment. Per following my blog, I think you can follow me by by going to your blogger dashboard, you should see a "reading list" tab and below it, there's an "add" tab, click it and you can go from there. I'm still trying to figure out certain things on my blog and hopefully, I'll add a "follow" button soon.
Thanks!
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