Friday 20 April 2012

Things that make you go Hmm!!!

Hi everyone! 

The weekend is finally here... Hurayyy! Okay, I got the story below from Joyfm's facebook page. After reading to the end, I couldn't help but get pissed at the players in the story. Please read on  (with small editing to help you relate more with the events discussed) and share your thoughts.
"Dear Bola, I went into marriage with a 4 year old daughter. My husband doesn’t have any problem with my daughter but he doesn’t love her. Let me just put it bluntly. He doesn’t have any form relations with her. He doesn’t care what I do with her or what happens to her. We simply don’t talk about her. I had her while I was in school and I honestly do not know the whereabouts of her father. I am gainfully employed so I really I’m not bothered. 

Growing up has been very difficult for her because she had to call my husband uncle because if he is daddy, then she must expect a lot from him. I have two other children with my husband so you can understand this little girl’s challenge. Bola, she is 16 years now and in SHS2. She is quite a smart and an intelligent girl. She told me recently that, she wants to move out of the house. She wants me to rent a place for her. Her reasons are that, she knows my husband doesn’t like her and she thinks she can take care of herself. This hit me so hard. 

She is always either out of the house or locked up in her bedroom. The relationship between she and her siblings is also dwindling. You could tell that she is very embittered. Last week, my husband came back from town with a bag full of clothes for my daughter. She took them and just walked away. I followed her into her room to scold her and she stopped me right there and walked out of the house. 

Fear gripped me so I asked my husband what all that was about and then he told me that, he just feels he has been very unfair to her and wanted to start bridging the gap. I could not but hug him in gratitude that finally, the nightmare in my home was over. He even told me that, she will come around and he apologized  to me for his unfair treatment towards the girl. Rather surprisingly, my daughter’s attitude worsened and she insists she wants to move out of the house. She won’t say why and I just kept assuming it’s the same old problem. I asked an anonymous person to meet up with her, befriend her and talk to her for me and there she blew everything open. 

My husband has been making sexual advances at her and has threatened to throw her out if she doesn’t compromise. He says he has never seen her as a daughter because he loves her and has just been waiting for her to grow up. Bola, I have died a thousand times over. How mean could he be? People have told me how they see him with young girls in very compromising situations but because he is a fashion designer, I dismiss it saying he could be working with them. I’m just realizing how naive I have been all these years. I have spoken to my daughter to keep calm whiles I find a solution to the problem. 

She understands me. This is my first point of call. I have too much running through my head. After 12 years of marriage... Bola I have my children to think about, my marriage, society, my daughter’s well being and a whole lot… I need advice. However, I am thinking of letting my daughter report him to the police... I would want the police to pick him up for interrogation, give him a strong warning and get him to write an undertaking to be of good behavior. Bola, in this day and age of defilement and rape, if he continues and he is arrested, this will spell doom for my family, social life and career".

What will be your advice to this lady? I said initially that I wasn't very enthused with lady's hastiness in  going ahead to marry the man without paying attention to the kind of relationship he would have or is prepared to have with her daughter. Being a single parent, man or woman, is a sensitive situation, and I think she shouldn't have gone ahead with the marriage in the first place knowing that, the then husband to be wasn't too comfortable with her daughter, until she was able to resolve the way forward for the 2 parties. This should go for every single parent about to get married. Watch out for danger signals which show that the person who you are getting married to is not too cool with your child, then please advice yourself appropriately.

In this case however, since she is already married to him with kids, I think the best thing for her to do is to talk to their pastor or a trusted person so they can talk to the man and make him accountable, or, let the daughter go stay with a trusted relative of her's; but she must make sure that, she stay's in constant touch with her all the time. What do you think?    

What could be wrong with Larry (the lady's husband)? Taking it beyond Erica’s story (the lady involved) I want to ask, what makes men desire young girls and even their children or relatives? What makes women want to sleep with young men, and little boys related to them and their friends? Why is Child Sexual Abuse becoming a rampant phenomenon in our society? Let's hear it dearies, as always...

Peace... I'm out!


  1. She's in a position where there are no winners. If she saves her daughter, her marriage is definitely over, and if she saves her marriage it will be at the expense of her own daughter.

    If i were her, I'll just pick all my kids and walk. Her husband is useless!!!

    1. i totally agree with Ema!!!!...take your kids and walk away!!...that situation is so unacceptable!!!mscheww,,,foolish man...ahn ahn..whats that!....his step daughter?he doesn't even have shame at all.
      forgive me if i took it personally but when a man begins acting like a sexual pervert or rather an idiot, it irritates me and gets me pissed, especially when it has to do with family

  2. Kai. Even before I got to the 'advances' part, I already knew what was wrong. A bag full of clothes?
    Hmm, the man and the girl should be separated first of all.
    To remain with the man or not depends on her o. I don't have enough experience to advise her

  3. Erica's story is gradually becoming a norm these days. She ignored a very important issue, and now its presenting as a major problem.
    A matured friend always says this: "A small fault ignored during courtship, multiplies X10 in marriage".
    Some years back i'll be quick to say she should leave the cheating "bastard" but she should treat the issue with maturity. She should involve respectable family members. Also i don't think her daughter will be safe in the house, please get an alternative accommodation (maybe a close sibling)

  4. I fear that man. I'm even suspicious of happenings with his own biological kids because a man who doesn't see anything wrong in making advances to his step daughter is just plain wrong imo

  5. I agree with Ema Leecious. Why would you want to stay with such a perverted man? Is being referred to as a married woman more important than your child's safety and welfare? Come on, think about the damage that already been done mentally and emotionally to the girl. Believe me, it's possible she's becoming a little depressed but no one would notice because she's always staying away from everyone. I'm speaking from experience (except for the step-father making advances part). My mother is single parent, but made sure to never go into any relationship without making sure I have a good relationship with him. She has dumped suitors before because they were nasty to me! Honestly, Erica needs to focus on all her children properly now because like someone said before, it doesn't take much for him to do the same to his biological kids.

  6. I already finished the story in my head....bag full of clothes?
    The girl should leave that house....but,what is the world turning into?

  7. HMMM!

    have no advise to give, but go along the same thought with Atary.

  8. My advice is that she should leave. Simple.

    How can she stay with a man who wanted to sleep with her daughter?

    As for speaking to her pastor.....I disagree. The only person I have ever asked for advice is an elderly lady who has a wonderful home and fabulous children. As a woman, I know she has travelled the 'marriage and motherhood journey' and triumphed.

    I am not a believer in seeking advice from x, y and z. I believe that if the lady thinks it over, she will realise that this is a golden opportunity to leap out of this marriage while she is still healthy and alive. Marriage no be by force.

    Or is she waiting for the man to pass the HIV virus to her? My people say 'Who no know go know.....Who no hear go hear!'

    If one loses ones self respect, it is one step from being sub-human. What kind of example is she stting for her daughter...'Remain married even if your hubby is a dog and molester?'

  9. Naijamum in London and other commenters have said it all. She should report the man to the police and leave with all her children.

  10. It disgusts me to see or hear of married men preying on young kids. Seriously. Their minds are so depraved beyond reason.

    Her husband is a pedophile and is there any better reason to leave the yeye man than this? I can imagine how peeved out the daughter was with all the advances from the yeye man.

    by the way, I love what Atary said ''A small fault ignored during courtship multiplies X10 in marriage''. It's possible the husband may have been showing all the subtle signs of cheating when they were dating or worse staring at young girls. *shudders*.

  11. this one na super story. like everyone else, i'll suggest she leaves. thats a lot better than being sorry later

  12. That 1000GB pendrive between the man's legs is full of trojan virus and will not rest till its scanned. The girl should flee as fast as her tiny legs can carry her. lol

  13. Luciano you said my mind..

  14. Her first mistake was marrying a man who didn't accept her daughter.Before a single mom decides to get married to a man who isn't her baby-momma,she must be certain he accepts her child.It's is very imperative.

    However,she should look for a way to separate her daughter from her husband,maybe take her to a relative's.Also,she should confront her husband and depending on his response,report him to his parents.Such men might molest their own children sexually.Lastly,she should be very observant.She seem like someone who isn't observant,she'd have noticed some signs to suggest her husband isn't suppose to be around gurls.

  15. I agree with Atary...
    Real sad situation for the lady, and to make matters worse, he is even chasing other younger ladies outside.

  16. Apparently she doesn't want her husband to know that she's aware that he's been sexually harassing her daughter.Well,if that be the case, she should send the daughter to live somewhere safe or she, the mum, should quit hiding and confront the situation and fight for her daughter, cause that show of support is what the daughter needs.

  17. hey u priscy!!!!..wts back and i'll be back to check ur blog.had to hurry to do something!
    my former blog does not exist anymore and so i have a new one. im ff u already..wink***
    have i missed much?
    i'll come back to find out!!!tk kia!!!!ciao!

  18. wow!

    Her daughter should have been her first priority before she got married plus calling the guy uncle.. err he should have been a father figure from the start and what is she talking about let her daughter report.. is she kidding?!?! why is she waiting? does she realise the poor girl is her own daughter.. as in.. why isnt she doing something about it already? why is she still 'thinking' of a solution..

    plus saying the girl should go and stay with relatives will once again further make the poor girl who didnt ask to br brought into the world feel like an outsider.. like she has no family..

    her mum needs to man up and do the right thing and make sure her husband isnt advancing her kids as well.. cos who knows what other tendencies he has..

    sorry this struck a nerve.

    my point remains... how can you call someone who wants to sleep with your own daughter your husband. yes forgive and forget.. but mehn let us have sense o

  19. Even with the advancement of human reason and intellect, i cannot fathom why old men wants to bed young ladies. The thought itself makes me sick.

  20. Is it until the man rapes her daughter before she will take action. stupid woman talking about social life and crap. The man is a useless and I do not see any reason why she is still in a relationship with a man who wants to sleep with her daughter. She should get that girl out of the house ASAP.

  21. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. Her daughter needs to be protected from her husband. She cannot stand by and watch him mess her future up.

  22. she's not serious o!!!...this is her daughter for crying out loud, and so WTH is she thinking in that brain of hers..if the man can be doing that, only God knows what else he's up to in that depraved mind of his.
    take your kids and go away and start doing meditation time on Love or NO love for the man...or else, the woman is so OYO!!!

  23. tagged u in a game on my blog. u cud check it out wen u hv the time