Sunday 9 September 2012

Let's Discuss This Please... A Hurting Marriage Needs Your Help

My dear people of blogville, 

Over the weekend, I had the opportunity to be a marriage counselor for a few minutes. The man I spoke with was shattered, broken and really bitter; and the reason for his lividity was the infidelity of his wife. Yes you heard right... His wife.

According to the man (because he was the one I had the opportunity of talking to) he has been married to his wife for a number of years and within that period, he has had cause on two occasions to suspect and actually believe that his wife was cheating on him: the first one was based on information from his own friend and the second one was based on an eye witness account given by his own cousin. 

The lady confirmed the first incident and apologized for it, but she denied the second one saying  that she went to see a pastor who took her to a hotel room to pray for her and their marriage, insisting that nothing happened at that meeting other than the prayers.

The man is bitter and shattered because he loves his wife to bits and yet wants to divorce her; but you could hear from the uncertainty in his voice when he got to the point of talking about divorce, that this is an option he is not keen on exercising.

After listening carefully to him I told him that we all go through and actually have challenges of some sort in our relationships, so I recommended that he should talk with his wife or let a trusted person talk to her in order to find out exactly what her problems are and why she is not content with her relationship; maybe she's not satisfied sexually or she's under some form of spiritual or genetic influence or their marriage is going through a transition which makes her feel that she's fallen out of love with him... I recommended above all that he should talk to his pastor (because he is a devout Christian and an active member of the church where he worships) and allow him to get involved in the process of dealing with this attack on their marriage and to counsel them both towards healing and a more beautiful marriage relationship.

I want us to discuss this, what could probably be the reason for the lady's actions apart from the ones I already gave? Do you think divorce can help calm the man down? I'm asking this because he said he had to beat the wife up when he got wind of the 2nd saga which according to her was merely a prayer session with a pastor and nothing more. Also, if she really went to see a pastor, was the hotel room an ideal place for them to meet?

I will be most obliged to read what you also think about this issue. Thanks for reading and commenting. 

Peace... I'm out!


  1. first of all...he beat her up?!..they should go their separate ways then...

    pastors taken married women to hotel room for prayers...SUSPECT!!..she shouldnt have went...that makes no sense at all

    if she HAS cheated twice already, he ought to let her go...the first time could have been a mistake but number 2....nah...she doesnt want...staying in a marriage in the name of "i'm a good christian" will not work....

    ugh..marriage is scary

  2. You should have started with he beat her up! For that, i have not a care to give about whatever suffering he thinks he's going through. He didn't HAVE to do anything to her, talk less of beating her up over what at the end of the day is hearsay (very suspicious hearsay, but hearsay nonetheless). Pure rubbish. If he wants to work it out, then figure it out. If he wants a divorce, get a divorce. But there's never any cause to go beating up people because your feelings are hurt.

  3. Going to an hotel room is a no-no, no matter what happened there, what ever happened to praying in the church.

    If the man still loves his wife like he has claimed, he should talk to her and find out what exactly her problem is, what she lacks in the family that she is looking for in another man's 'sokoto'.

    If this does not work, he can their family members and sort this out...if nothing works, then I suggest they go their separate ways.

  4. He should give her another chance before bringing in family members.

  5. It was wrong for him to beat her up, regardless.

    I'd like to know though if they have kids. If
    they do, he should factor that in when thinking about divorce.

    I'm not married. The experience I have is what I got from a relationship. I had a boyfried who cheated on me once and all I wanted to know was why. He couldn't tell me why. All he said was it just happened (I guess for no reason). I decided to forgive him but I could never really let it go cos I dint have answers to the why bit.

    I'd say it would really help if the man could find out the why and then they can go on from there. Maybe it's something he's doing or not doing cos regardless of how sorry the wife is, it could happen again.

  6. what kind of prayer session do people carry out in hotels?
    theres a lot of things wrong with the relationship biko. they should seek help.

  7. he is not her daddy so beating her wasnt cool but hey sometimes you only realize the damage when the harm is done,u cant judge someone when u havent walked 2 steps in their shoes,its simple..he sits her down and talk to her if they can`t resolve it..has has to let her go otherwise he might end up in jail for harming her.. i dont know what kind of prayer goes on in a hotel but again,u never know..its 2012 alot has changed..

  8. Wrong step... the beating. I really dont know what to think, i feel they should have a talk and figure out what the wife is missing.. he should genuinely apologise for hitting her and they need to pray because There is nothing too difficult for God, marriage transcends human reasoning one needs Gods active presence. How do you get thet? u ask him into your marriage and he will surely come.

  9. I'm with Didi on this one. Prayers in a hotel though? *Shaking my head* I thought that was what churches are for

  10. Just as we tell women when their husbands cheat on them, FORGIVE and FORGET for the sake of the children and stability of the home. Do you want people to laugh at you, that your marriage failed?.. N-OOO!

    Women cheat for 2 reasons..MONEY and SEX.
    Money for either feeding or to look good.
    Sex, because the spouse is not satisfying her.

    So the ball is in his court, he should know what pushed the woman outside.

    Let me chip this in...the FOUNDATION of their marriage matters a lot. How did they meet? How was their courtship like before marriage? All the answers are with him.

    Welldone for doing a good counseling.

  11. He beat the wife up?????
    They should quickly file for divorce just for his shameful act of beating her.

  12. Hi Priscy,
    I think that before anything else is done the husband should go with the wife to the pastor who is supposed to have taken the wife (to a hotel room?) for prayer, and get to the bottom of that part of the issue first. I would think that if there were any issue that the wife had gone to the pastor with regarding her marriage, then the pastor would have got the two of them together to talk about the situation and to pray with both of them. I can't see in the scriptures where it says 'if a wife has an issue that she wants prayer for, get the pastor of the church to take her to a hotel room'.

  13. Hmmm, He should not have beat her no matter what.

    The wife going to the hotel, having an wrong.

    I'm not married so I really don't know how this works, but I know marriage is deep stuff and shouldn't be taking lightly. They should be prayed for, counselled, ....they shouldn't walk out of the marriage until they are sure the marriage is irredeemable

  14. This may not even be the first time he's beating the woman, and he wonders why she cheats? They both need counselling.

    1. I am with Myne...

      they both need prayers and counselling..

      Which one is hotel prayers ohh?

  15. Thanks a lot for all your views... I appreciate a great deal.
    I will surely give the recommendations to the man and pray and hope their marriage will be sustained.

  16. Seems like my answer is coming late. but, here's my own two cents.

    He doesn't seem to think hitting her was wrong, I'm worried about that and I feel if he's serious about making things right, he needs to apologise for that.

    He should also let her understand that althought he's sorry he hit her (again, I sure hope he is), that still doesnt change the fact that her decision to go for prayers in a hotel room with a male pastor (as she says), was a rather silly one and like Brenda said, they need to get to the bottom of this, involving the said pastor.

    Then they need to get to the root of her cheating problem, what reasons did she have for cheating and how can they address this.

    Whan a man cheats on his wife, the first impulse is to believe that he has a particular need the wife is not satisfying, I think this should also come into play when the roles are reversed. Then they need to address this issue. And no, I dont say this to condone her actions, whatever the reason, she was wrong to have cheated.

    I still dont like the fact that he hit her and I sure hope its not a habit he has.

  17. sweetheart...i believe you have counseled well and the rest is just the icing on the cake.
    communication is vital and they should talk it out
    as fr dt hotel ish ehn...we all know the obvious...what happened to the church...and what happened to the part of the bible that says "flee from all appearances of evil?"so im wonderin why the pastor doesn't have that as his watch word

  18. this is a sad story but with the above mentioned abt ur intervention, i think you've done enough darling...or rather, you've done your part as a wise and godly frnd
    thanks fr stopping by my blog, God bless..xoxo

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