Monday 24 September 2012

When the devil is in your bed...

Greetings my people,

I trust you had a great weekend... I also trust that this new week will unfold greater things for you, yours and us all. I read this story from another site (source at the foot of the writeup), and it brought a lot of issues to mind. I don't want to be preemptive, so I will leave you to read the story, then I will share my thoughts:

"I have learnt not to follow the heart but the mind. I consider myself a smart and wise woman, however even a wise person can be misled. My story… About 25 years ago, I fell in love and married a Igbo guy in the US with the intention to remain married. I worked hard to support him while he attended law school with the hope that he would assist me to get my degree once he finished. However, the moment he got his degree, he realized that he did not want me in his live. He became promiscuous, sleeping with countless young girls all around the place.

Because I am an American, I had fought to keep him in the US after several attempts by the immigration to deport him. I later made him to secure his green card; that was really when the going was good and we all had smiles on our faces. But the good days were short-lived as he abandoned the house, just to go after his numerous concubines and mistresses. To add salt to an open wound, several of his Nigerian concubines became disrespectful ,calling the house and warning me to stop calling him, if not they would never allow him back to the house again.

I would always tell them that he was cheating on them, and that if he could cheat on his wife, then what did they think he would do to them”. I should have whipped both their ***, not because they were sleeping with him, but because of the numerous phone calls. Our vows were a contract between him and I so he was wrong no matter the number of “women ” that came his way. Not only was his heartless act a thorn in my heart, but for the fact that I’m still paying taxes I owed because of him. This has led to a complicated medical condition, leaving me disabled. I am very Mad and frustrated now.

He has since returned to Nigeria and doing very well as a businessman. I just learnt he is a renowned businessman down there. I have also discovered that he never even told his family back home that he was married to me, and that one of his concubines was his wife.
I still care about this guy. However, a part of me is angry and would always wish he goes through the same pain I went through because of him. He made me look stupid before my family and friends. We have since divorced but chat on and off and even talk about getting back together again. I’m not sure if I can ever fully trust him again; so sleeping with him, I guess would be like “Sleeping with the Devil”.
The experience has left me bitter and don’t trust many people especially African (Igbo) men."

After reading this story I sat and wondered not just about this woman's experience (if her side of the story is anything to go by), but also about how one person's behavior can stir up a stereotype which affects communities and generations of people from that community. In Ghana, the first thing that comes out of the mouth of the average Ghanaian when a Nigerian passes by is "419". In Ghana Ewes and Akans have an age old beef which has torn many marriages apart. 

Much as we so passionately agree with Martin Luther King Jr, when he said that people should be judged based on the content of their character, I hold the view that we must all be careful what we do and say, and how we generally relate with people; because you might be all those people need to assess your kind. Now this American lady has a beef with African (Igbo) men, because of one... I hold my fire.

So many other issues arise out of this story, please feel free to share your thoughts on the one(s) that pinch you.

Peace... I'm out!

Source of story: Daily Post


  1. Truth is,it's not onlu Nigerians or Africans that can do such,even the westerners are capable of such.It's just very unfortunate she fell into the wrong Nigerian hands.Stereotyping is a big issue and it's time we all addressed it.People are bad,people are good,it's a human thing not an ethnic or racial thing.However,some particular group make it comfortable to stereotype.

  2. Is she seriously still considering getting back with him? Really? Seriously? #okthenbye

  3. Hi Priscy,
    As your first commenter says, it is the state of the whole world, not just one country. However, it is just a pity that the ones who would remain faithful to a person they married do not meet up. There is also a great deal of getting together, and getting married for the wrong reasons. I hope she finds real happiness one day.

    1. "Getting married for the wrong reasons" I concur.

  4. our Nigerian boys keep falling our hands everytime, it is unfortunately she met with a deceitful one.

    But then she will be dumbest woman ever if she gets back with him.

  5. Believe it or not, her story is pretty common. I attended law school here in the US, and it was common to find men whose wives worked and put them through law school. After graduation, they would move on and divorce their wives and marry another woman who could 'upgrade' them or conform to their newly upgraded status.

    I can't believe this woman still wants to get together with this man after what he put her through. I myself get all sorts of 'attitude' from women who have been hurt by Nigerian men. It's hard to tell her not to judge all Nigerian / African men by this one man, but it looks like her mind is made up.

  6. Abeggi... she shouldn't just consider getting back to that man. I can sense from the post she still loves him. Well, except she wants to love the devil, she must just forget that fraud of a man totally. Stereotype, meh... I have always had a big problem with that thing. And it is really true, the impressions some people portray will always be used as yardsticks to judging others. How sad.

    Great blog. Good job.
    Check and commment on mine here;

  7. this is woman should be this weak.
    i think shes making a huge mistake by even thinking of getting back with him.
    just because one igbo guy did that does not mean they are all the same

  8. When oil stains one finger, it will definitely stain the rest and a rotten apple spoils the whole barrel.
    Some Nigerians have rubbed our name in the mud, which eventually rubbed off on the innocent ones. Even each tribes are weary of each other. Some tribes will NEVER allow their family member to marry from another particular tribe for reasons stated trust!
    I am well aware about the disparity between Ghana and Nigeria, truthfully, i don't blame them because, so many bad eggs have polluted the air there. Hence, our name is looked upon with disdain.
    I agree with Martin Luther King, but the first impression will always be there until the person earns his/her respect through her behaviour.
    As for the American lady, i wish she would forget totally about that guy! He does not and NEVER loved her! For the concubines to have the audacity to call and warn her speaks volume! He was lucky she did not file a complaint about him and his mistress, and they would have been deported at the snap of the fingers.
    She should cut off communication with him! or else she might end up sending money to him on top of the debts she is still paying because of him!

  9. Hmmm, what can I say? All these experiences make generalisations easy

  10. I don't think this woman should consider getting back to this man. she should tread with caution.

    However, stereotyping isn't such a good thing, sometimes it takes God not to join the wagon.

  11. Hi Priscy, I have done your writing assignment. Please, can you gimme your email address so we can correspond. Thanks

      looking forward to hearing from you, thanks.

  12. Priscy: I just passed on the 'Versatile Blogger Award' to you. Please visit my blog for more details.

  13. This story is the stuff home videos are made of. Sadly enough, it happens all the time, and it's nothing new. I have a cousin who traveled to the US in the 70s when she newly married her hubby, not knowing that her hubby's mistress was with them on the same flight. Over there, he put her through hell, raped a young cousin who went with them, was arrested and sentenced, released on parole and deported. She still tried to mend fences with him, but it did not work out as he never repented from his womanizing tendencies. Finally, in her fifties, and 5 grown kids later, 2 of whom are married, she lets go. She's remarried recently and has found happiness. Methinks that lady should forget the man, but it's important that she forgives him so that she does not hinder herself. I hate stereotypes and try to relate with people on their own merit unless otherwise proven. Na wa o.